Getting acquinted

 Hello world.....

You've found me. Awesome. I'll share a little secret with y'all I'm a strong, independent, loud mouthed, rebel-kinda-irish-and-country-loving female with a passion for sports and a little more than healthy dose of self loathing. On my way to 50 with a broken body in full physical rehab after a third attack of neuralgic amyotrophy and yes Google is your friend because I'm done trying to explain what that is. Put on your big person's pants and look it up!

So what can you expect? About everything from my first elderly lady bathing suit which I just bought to making cider, missing my period or bleeding like hell's river found a new path and everything and anything in lets-try-this-because-you-can adventures. 

First up: I am currently re-learning how to use a cheese slicer because presliced cheese tastes like plastic and since I can't really use my right arm the way I want to I am now relearning how to do this in handgroup also known as CARAS. The best part of spending time in a revalidation clinic? Not feeling like a weirdo. When I'm in handgroup I see people struggling with the same things I'm struggling with and that helps. When I'm at hydrotherapy I can actually move a bit and that is something to be proud of.

Last January my body decided to make me come to a full stop. I went from about 6 hrs of sports a week to NIL and it shows. I look like one of those christmassy meatrolls in string and I feel like that Michelin-man wobbling through life trying to not totally hate myself. So when my life long friend gifted me this book written by a dutch comedian about here life going through the change I figured I could use the huge asshole N.A. setback to see if I can find it in me to learn how to be more kind to myself......handover that puke bucket because there it is....self compassion....BARF but honestly? it pains me to see how good we women have become in the whole negative self speak. I do not want to end up old(er), wrinkly and cranky and still hating myself. I wanna be that old crone cracking away, being all dark and I wanna look back thinking...you know what? I love(d) being me. On a more serious note: I don't want young women going through their most beautiful time in their life feeling like I did. I don't want to be part of  a chain of women who will outloud vocalize beauty is defined by a size zero and weighing in way under what's healthy. We need to change the narrative for our own sakes. Who cares if your ass wobbles a bit or if your arms flap and your boobs are staring down in stead of pointing up? Big fat Fínn middle finger to all of that. If you're about turn 50 like I am then seriously you have probably a lot of beautiful stories etched into your skin. It's time we learn our young daughters to love each and every part of life as it comes. Okay....enough....I can lecture you lot aal I want but I suck at this whole self-loving part. However....I will try. One thing I will practice this week: not pinching my bodyfat while in the bathroom coming out of the shower and critcally staring at myself. I will just not do it.

So that's what this blog is about....me in this broken asshole shit disease body trying to refind my sporty-mind and maybe even find a little peace and self-love instead of loath. I wanna try ridiculous shit because I'm middle aged and it is my prerogative to do so. And as soon as my arm will let me I wanna:

Go horseback riding, shoot a gun, play my banjolele/guitar again, run, mix cocktails, go on a 3 week trip anywhere in the world, marry my man again on some weird remote island wearing a hippy dress and flowers and doing ahandfasting ceremony. Shit like that.

So here's to all the fucked up shit that we call life and let's roll...

Love Marlies