The frustrating truth about equality

 Hi all,

When I wrote my first post I told y'all I am a dead honest, loud-mouthed rebel kinda female and I am done trying to be that agreeable little lady to get things done. I am done trying to feel empathy for men in positions of power when clearly the double standard is that if I were the one on that position delevering exactly what he does I would have been fired hardcore ages ago. This post features a list which I will update during the week to come. A list with so called qualities women need to bring to the workplace that men never have to. The uncomfortable truth is that a woman calling on bullshit usually meets one of the following answers:

1. That's not kind of you. In dutch: aardig. Well....being honest and being unkind are two different things. If I were to tell you that you're an F'in idiot who's brain is too slow to comprehend what needs to be done then I'd say you're right. That would be unkind. However if I respond with hesistance to an idea which, based on history and data, in my professional experience will not deliver the succes you want to accomplish then that's not being unkind, that's being professional. You do not have to agree with me like I don't agree with you however...unkind is the moment you would call me unkind when honestly all I do is I just contradict your (unbased and not hindred by any knowledge of my job) opinion on what needs to be done. Why should kind be something that always bounces back when my response is not the response you wanted from me. When no or not like that are the words you didn't want to hear and therefore I 'm unkind. Here's the thing: you calling me unkind or asking me to be kind IS unkind and moreover degrading and meant to put or keep me in my place and to shut me up. And if you can't see that then you have a problem. Not me.

2. Well you could smile you know! Excuse me??? Are you for real? Because smiling makes me look better? Because smiling makes you feel better? Because smiling makes me better at my job? Men are never asked to smile to get results. Men are never told that because of their amazing smile their company made a bazillion bucks that year. So why should I? NO I am done. You will see me smile if I'm happy and feeling good but not for the sheer sake of ...I don't even know what!

3. That piece of clothing looks daring/ in dutch gewaagd. Usually referring to items of clothing revealing skin like shoulders or legs. Excuse me? You do realize that you, by saying shit like that, are SEXUALIZING me. And that is NOT okay. Basically you're telling me that because I show skin you can't work and that is my fault. What the hell??? You can't control whatever is going on in your body and I should therefore dress differently. EUHM.....NO! You need to keep your eyes in your pocket and control whatever you need to control because your bodily shit is not my problem. It is yours. And oh yeah....If you sexualize me I will feminize you. We are not products. We are women and you need to learn that.

... these are the first three things me and my sister came up with. In the days to come I will update this list according to whatever me and my friends will come up with based on our every day life experiences dealing with men in positions of power. 

That's it for now...let's roll

Love Marlies

Getting acquinted

 Hello world.....

You've found me. Awesome. I'll share a little secret with y'all I'm a strong, independent, loud mouthed, rebel-kinda-irish-and-country-loving female with a passion for sports and a little more than healthy dose of self loathing. On my way to 50 with a broken body in full physical rehab after a third attack of neuralgic amyotrophy and yes Google is your friend because I'm done trying to explain what that is. Put on your big person's pants and look it up!

So what can you expect? About everything from my first elderly lady bathing suit which I just bought to making cider, missing my period or bleeding like hell's river found a new path and everything and anything in lets-try-this-because-you-can adventures. 

First up: I am currently re-learning how to use a cheese slicer because presliced cheese tastes like plastic and since I can't really use my right arm the way I want to I am now relearning how to do this in handgroup also known as CARAS. The best part of spending time in a revalidation clinic? Not feeling like a weirdo. When I'm in handgroup I see people struggling with the same things I'm struggling with and that helps. When I'm at hydrotherapy I can actually move a bit and that is something to be proud of.

Last January my body decided to make me come to a full stop. I went from about 6 hrs of sports a week to NIL and it shows. I look like one of those christmassy meatrolls in string and I feel like that Michelin-man wobbling through life trying to not totally hate myself. So when my life long friend gifted me this book written by a dutch comedian about here life going through the change I figured I could use the huge asshole N.A. setback to see if I can find it in me to learn how to be more kind to myself......handover that puke bucket because there it is....self compassion....BARF but honestly? it pains me to see how good we women have become in the whole negative self speak. I do not want to end up old(er), wrinkly and cranky and still hating myself. I wanna be that old crone cracking away, being all dark and I wanna look back thinking...you know what? I love(d) being me. On a more serious note: I don't want young women going through their most beautiful time in their life feeling like I did. I don't want to be part of  a chain of women who will outloud vocalize beauty is defined by a size zero and weighing in way under what's healthy. We need to change the narrative for our own sakes. Who cares if your ass wobbles a bit or if your arms flap and your boobs are staring down in stead of pointing up? Big fat Fínn middle finger to all of that. If you're about turn 50 like I am then seriously you have probably a lot of beautiful stories etched into your skin. It's time we learn our young daughters to love each and every part of life as it comes. Okay....enough....I can lecture you lot aal I want but I suck at this whole self-loving part. However....I will try. One thing I will practice this week: not pinching my bodyfat while in the bathroom coming out of the shower and critcally staring at myself. I will just not do it.

So that's what this blog is about....me in this broken asshole shit disease body trying to refind my sporty-mind and maybe even find a little peace and self-love instead of loath. I wanna try ridiculous shit because I'm middle aged and it is my prerogative to do so. And as soon as my arm will let me I wanna:

Go horseback riding, shoot a gun, play my banjolele/guitar again, run, mix cocktails, go on a 3 week trip anywhere in the world, marry my man again on some weird remote island wearing a hippy dress and flowers and doing ahandfasting ceremony. Shit like that.

So here's to all the fucked up shit that we call life and let's roll...

Love Marlies